I dream I'm a female krelkin, a slender, clever nonhuman being with a white-pelted body, delicate hands, a long black mane and a mares' tail...

Then I dream I'm in therapy, working on my dream, IN my dream!

Rather than tell it, I draw it as a black and white cartoon. It's beautiful. I mean, I'm beautiful.

I've written sickness on my body, and what is written will come to pass. Soon I'll fall ill from this rage.

My therapist Shelley looks at the page a while, then gets a small vial of hand cream. She smears a bit on the art. It dissolves the red lipstick; she wipes most of it off the figure, leaving just a fiery background. Traces left on my body, but now I look... salvageable!

Yet I feel almost angry about that--Shelley did it without asking me if I wanted to risk it. Could have totally destroyed the krelkin... that is, me. I'm allergic to so many solvents, you see.

But then, I was nearly certain to fall sick, if she'd done nothing. And what Shelley did paid off. Restored me!

My ingratitude shocks me. But I nearly wish she'd left me alone, defaced with red rage...

NOTES

• Red lipstick = last night I saw a TV movie on date rape. A victim who got no justice scrawled JOHN SMITH IS A RAPIST in lipstick on bathroom mirrors all over campus.
• Ingratitude = the side of me that vividly recalls old abuse resents having its rage erased like this, even if it's hurting others... like my artist side and my animal energy--my health.
• ACTION: Unsure! Obviously I must give this angry side some room for expression... Years of chronic illness from childhood trauma can't be ignored. yet I don't want it sickening me.

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