A Stage Fright
1993/11/17 automatic writing by Chris Wayan voicing a dream character
At a dance concert starring some of my ballet classmates, I got so excited I wanted to leap on stage myself. Afterward they urged me "Quit hiding in classes, you're good! Go on, volunteer for a show!" So at last, I tried.
The stress left me sick for days. Stage fright!
But I noticed something odd. Singing or acting or dancing my OWN work on stage seemed to leave me well--only dancing OTHER PEOPLE'S scripts sickened me!
Stage fright, or... something else?
Am I incompatible with scripted flash and fire,
I lay abed, a toadish lump. Relit that stage|
in memory, pen ready to explore.
Suddenly on the page,
mad dancing lines began to pour!
And in the dark beyond my words'
ballet of scripted light,
Hovered something scaled and eyed:
My true stage fright.
In this fey mood, what do I write?
"Fear is a stereo: it talks in both ears.
Forget ballet! I long to tell secrets, |
Show you my privates:
The hot wet folds of my
The steamy convolutions of my
Slippery with excitement,
I wriggle from the team,
A sperm after a slut aesthetic.
But this ain't no nudie bar.
They'll revoke my artistic license: way
Too much licentiousness
in my consciousness--
at least for ballet.
But what if I dared?
The scales of night are falling.|
What hovered in the dark
Like bats avoiding light,
Now drops to the stage like a cat.
Dragon lands, and takes no bow.
Won't dance, just holds to the center.
Wings nick the curtains, steam-veils drift.
Huge, deadly, spiked: a stage fright.
Green-golden-eyed it stares and stares,
Till telepathically it shares:
"Once I dreamed I was a mammal born..."
Offstage someone whispers: "Where's
That vaudeville hook?"
But no one human dares.
Backstage, the manager hisses
But that cold mind proceeds in calm
But waiting a thoughtful
If it sounds like I'm claiming I went on strike,|
Summoned illness to block an un-Tao path,
Or that stagefright can make a soul progress...
Well, (uncomfortable squirm) ...yes.
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