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11x14", Sanford erasable crayons, 1984, digitally retouched 2001, by Chris Wayan.

This was one variation on a recurring dream-theme I had of a figure strangely broken up by hair the color of the background... Figure and field!

Swimmer whose hair blends with water. Dream-sketch (crayon) by Wayan; click to enlarge.

Rarely, as here, she was human; more often, she was a grayhound or a were-mare or a dream-creature who called herself a krelkin...

I think all these dreams were talking about protective camouflage. At the time I was living in suburbia and working at Stanford University, among intelligent but fairly conservative, conventional people. Wanting to fit in, I quite unconsciously showed different faces to different people, mirroring their own interests and expectations. None of them got the whole picture.

But neither did I! My camouflage broke up my pattern so I fit in, became forgettable background. But it also hid me from my own perception. So I never saw the complex, paradoxical whole. I hid me from... me.

LISTS AND LINKS: more examples of these dream-figures: Krelkin Camouflage, Horse in a Tailwind - recurring dreams - figure, field, focus - swimming - babes - sea-dreams - privacy, secrets and hiding - Out of the Closet! - crayon and pastel

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