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Nondream digital picture, 1992/11/7, by Chris Wayan

A first tentative piece on my environmental illness. Somehow I have to find a beauty in my austere, drastically simplified life. I wouldn't mind living like a Zen monk, really--by choice. But Someone chose for me.

the desert of environmental illness I live in.
I can't really echo the understated style of San Francisco artist Robin Tichane's austere woodblock-print landscapes about AIDS, but it's the only work being done today that speaks to me about the spiritual side of illness--the perverse, unrecognized blessings of a forced withdrawal from the world... while one's still in it. Life-in-death? In the world, but not of it?

Is our adult game of dodging death different from kids playing dodgeball? Cosmic dodgeball! A lottery where you pray to lose.

Or... did a few of us make a bargain, before we were even born?

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