ASK ME ANYTHING
Dreamed 1975/1/31 by Chris Wayan
My grandma's driving on Interstate 5, in a storm. Heavy rains, mud all over the highway. It deepens until, on a curve, we go into a skid. To keep from crashing, Grandma veers off onto a side road. It quickly narrows till it's a gucky ditch. Woods all around, car stuck.
I get out, go seek people, or a phone... But I'm half-blind in the torrent, it's like staggering around under a waterfall.
In about ten feet I reach a big amphitheater or dell, crowded with people standing in the rain like drunken cows, smiling glassily. I ask how to get back to I-5, but they all say only "Go there," pointing to a house at the valley's head. I climb up to it, enter, yell "Hello?"
No one. In the middle of the floor, a spiral stair. I go down.
The basement is cavernous, glowing with light from computer screens lining the walls. A command center. For what? A smiling black woman walks up and I know right away: she's God.
She says "Hi! Got any questions? They never ask me anything!" waving in the general direction of her flock of worshipers outside. Well, well. So Christians are either too humble to come in out of the rain--or too dumb. The meek shall inherit the mud?
"This is embarrassing., but... all I came in to ask was, which way is it back to Highway I-5?"
She laughs and points. "Oh, you just go about 15 feet straight ahead thataway."
Her computers need exercise, so God begs me for more requests. Any prayer will be answered!
Only... I just can't think of any. It's too weird. Never thought God might be praying for something from ME... from us.
God's nice, and I'm even a little attracted to her, but I don't like the computers, or the pressure to come up with a prayer... so I leave. Out in the rain again...
God, or her computer, sends a little flying representative after me, a guardian angel. As I stagger around in the storm, wishing for galoshes and a rainhat, not divine revelations, the little robot angel flutters round me like a crazy moth, chattering:
"Ask me anything... Please ask me!"
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