My friend Beryl comes by--and tries to seduce me. I'm so frustrated these days, I nearly say yes, even though I don't find her at all attractive. Also, I feel scared about getting involved with her, though I don't clearly realize why till I wake: Beryl died years ago. Getting involved with dead people can be trouble. I mean, what if it's catching?

But in the dream, I don't exactly realize she's dead--yet I do recall she had terminal breast cancer, and I worry THAT's catching!

I don't want to offend Beryl because she has an ominous aura of shamanic power that feels unwise to mess with. So I don't flat-out refuse to kiss her, but I won't get really wet and tonguey.

Against my will, I get hard... and she crawls on top of me and starts rocking her hips against me. I shove my thigh against her cunt instead of my cock, again wary of too much contact, whether aura or skin. But don't want her mad at me--hope to get her off (in both senses) as quickly safely and diplomatically as I can. She rocks and squirms a while getting hotter and hotter, her weird aura flaming up around me till she comes--and then she abruptly stops and climbs off me casually!

Beryl grins "That was a shamanic exercise, like kundalini--we built up sexual energy I can now use for..." she tells me what, but I forget.

But then why should I care what she used it for?

She used ME.

And I don't like it.

NOTES

My late friend Beryl had huge breasts and worked as a nurse. She was a bit of a compulsive caretaker--made herself into one big breast. She died of breast cancer.

So does Beryl = death? Caretaking?

I'm afraid many of you know exactly the feeling I had in this dream, that uneasy mix of excitement intimidation and revulsion, that leads to reluctant sort-of-sex instead of a clear yes or no. The dream made clear to me that sex-as-placation, with pushy boys or pushy girls, with the living or with the dead... it's all the same. It steals your energy. Beryl in the dream was just franker than most date-rapists about what she was really stealing.

Not sex. Power.

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