I'm watching a black and white 1950s film about the FBI. Its chief, J. Edgar Hoover, was even more corrupt than we knew. He was out to become dictator. At first he just used blackmail and intimidation against his opponents, but soon he was arresting and killing politicians. The local militia and National Guard fought him. He won. Killed or drove out most of the government and declared an emergency and installed henchmen in key offices. The army tried a ground assault and got slaughtered! He must have been planning this all his life...

At last, in desperation, the military drops an atomic bomb on FBI headquarters. Civilians near it get a brief warning, but not enough time to escape the zone. Stragglers fill the streets when the bomb goes off. Cameras running--see the fireball, mushroom cloud, flame-wave sweeping up street and engulfing people. Though the shots are in contrasty black and white, they're still frightening and grisly.

"Something had to be done," I think, "but this is a horrible price to pay." Well? J. Edgar Hoover's persecution and one-by-one murder, or the bomb? Which do I want?

NOTE ON WAKING

Internal dictator? To get rid of him, I have accepted some fallout: I'll get very sick.

My dreams said similar things when I was dating Raven and getting sick too, from deep fears I'd be battered or used again.

THE NEXT DAY

On TV, a journalist shows gruesome clips from the famous TV movie THE DAY AFTER: a nuclear fireball, people caught by waves of fire. I haven't seen such Cold War images in years!

Except in my dream last night.

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