Dreamed 1981/3/14 by Chris Wayan
I'm walking with a strange girl in the redwood groves behind my old college. She wonders whether going to school here would be worth her time. "But first," she says "I have to get this splinter out of my foot." She's always getting them; her nickname's Splinter. We sit on a warm cement block and I try to pull it out. I like touching her, start to feel a bit turned on. I hope she does too. She seems to enjoy it but gives me no sign.
Suddenly I realize the zipper on my jeans is open and my cock is bursting out. Splinter quietly leans over and pets my thigh reassuringly and rubs her face against my erect cock like a cat purring. I feel a burst of happiness that she wants me too, and lean over and grab her hips, and we start sucking away joyfully...
But the love scene fades out, and I find myself in...
Splinter's kitchen! She's not there--just her mother, furious at me. "I'm pregnant because of what you did! And she's pregnant too!" I say "I've been a mother, I know how pregnancies start, and you can't get pregnant from oral sex! Her mom says "Your expectations create things, and you both expected to FFFFUCK," (she spits the wicked word) "and that fertilized the egg and now I'm PREGNANT!"
Now wait--by THAT logic, Splinter's mom really got pregnant by THINKING she'd catch it from us! Splinter and I are from a younger generation, that's all; her mom has to have a boy to blame. Why argue with her?
I stop listening as someone kicks my liver. I say "Well, I'm pregnant TOO, as a matter of fact. We're all equal here." But she can't let it go. "THREE babies? This is YOUR fault!" She gets so mad she hits me--even though I really am pregnant! What passion, what belief! So strong I accepted it just like Splinter did--her mom's got ME pregnant now, too.
So watch out. Are you?
But my father interrupts us, keeps talking, demanding my attention. When I insist on talking to John about our dreams, he grabs my wrist and says "I forbid you to talk to John!"
I get mad and say "let go of me!" He doesn't. I try to force myself loose, he settles his hands in a more painful grip and says "Fight me and I'll call the Youth Authority and the police. The nerve. Attacking me in my own house!"
I fight. I don't fear his Authorities: I'm over 21, and HE attacked ME. I bite him. He bites back. He outweighs me a lot, and only two years ago he could easily have dominated me, but he has a heart condition now. I still fear he's stronger, but even that doesn't matter. I know enough judo to throw him on the floor if he doesn't let go, and put a foot on his throat... And I WILL crush his throat if he won't free me.
That's the real change. I'm willing to hurt him, or my mom, to be free. They have no right to censor my life or my dreams, and now I'm willing to hurt them if they try.
And I wake.
IN THE MORNING
Hmmm...So my mom wants a man to blame about sex, and tries to impregnate me with fear and guilt; but my dad tries to censor my DREAMLIFE, not my sexuality! He denies my dreams can be psychic. I'd love to leave this dream on a comic note, but I'm afraid these are real agendas my parents have--and their voices are still nagging away inside, trying to censor my life...
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