I'm watching an endless series of TV ads about the exciting new uses for pigs. Each seems dumber than the last.

The final claim, and the most alarming, is:

"Our new Portable Pigs are 60% more absorbent! They make wonderful eco-friendly tampons! Try a pig today!"

Somehow this seems like a very, very bad idea... except for the lawyers, once the toxic shock suits start rolling in.

Sheesh. Didn't they learn their lesson from the Dalkon Shield?

• The ad: yesterday, I saw Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle. The ads before the film all had the same oily male announcer--exactly the voice in the Portable Pig ad.
• Animal as tampon: = in the film, the aging, bitter Dorothy Parker carries a lapdog as a substitute for love. The little furball soaked up her bitter boozy tears--a living, emotional tampon!
• Beats leaking your bloody feelings all over the place... I guess. Better that you (or your hapless pet) get emotional toxic shock... not everyone else.
• Pigs, not dogs: I think it's from that poem often attributed to Dorothy Parker:

  Hogamus Higamus Men are Polygamous Higamus Hogamus Women Monogamous

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