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Dreamed 7/22/1996 by Chris Wayan

Pencil drawing: profile of a longhaired girl with sad eyes.

At a party, I run into Wendy, a sweet warmhearted blonde I met in an art class, but haven't seen for several years. I always liked Wendy, she was an archetype of the healthy normality I never had. Last I knew, she was married (or nearly) to a smart but cynical guy named Ari.

She looks worried and says "I need your advice, Chris." I apologize to the woman I was talking with and go off with Wendy.

She gives me a warm hug and tells me Ari is treating her strangely. "He hasn't touched me in weeks. What's wrong with me? You were attracted to me in class--have I lost it? Am I ugly now?" I hold her, but she feels skittish, nervous.

I say "Don't panic now, I'm going to grab your butt." I hold her close, rubbing against her. Instantly feel my blood pounding. My cock gets hard in seconds. I wait silently till she can feel that, then let her go, and look her in the eye and say, "Nothing... is wrong... with YOU... at ALL."

I feel ashamed I did that--it was more for me than her. I know she was battered as a kid; not only does she blame herself when others neglect her, she submits to authoritative-sounding men. I was playing doctor, to get a little sexual rush--or the rush of control! She may feel more comfortable when men push her till she feels embarrassed, like I just did... but that's just because it's familiar. What'd really help would be some other way of flirting with her, being sexy with her.

Still, it felt good. I want to do it again.

And if Ari doesn't shape up, I'm going to.


Of course no one ELSE out there has any dating ambivalence at all...

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