THE DREAM

In my journal, the dream that inspired this painting is titled “A Whale Tries to Communicate”:

There’s a program on television about a whale which tries to come out of the ocean to communicate. It pushes against Christianity to do this. I am very interested in watching this documentary. Now, as I watch the whale, I begin to experience simultaneously being in the ocean as though I am the whale. I move through the deep waters.

Before I wake up I hear there’s a job available…The Superintendent of Schools has left his job open, and a woman offers it to me! I am so happy I kiss her right on the mouth!

THE ISSUE

Once a teacher walked this earth who taught compassion and forgiveness. He spoke of oneness with God and oneness with one another. He taught people how to center themselves in peace and contentment. His words were gentle, his touch was healing. After 2,000 years what is left of the spiritual landscape Christ created? In my dream painting it is obviously in ruins, it looks as though there’s been a war, it’s dark and despairing. There are refugees on the shore looking up. A huge messenger from the deep is speaking, and the sun is shining through the storm clouds spotlighting him as he speaks. The lights above his head indicate the message is from a divine source. In the background a stained glass window is lit up, and in the center – a white dove…Could this be a message of hope? What is my dream telling me about my inner/outer world and its spiritual condition? Where is healing and wholeness?

THE PAINTING

You may have noticed the difference in the emotions of the dream and the dream painting. In the dream there’s excitement and interest, while the painting seems dark and brooding. While I painted I focused more on the Whale’s “pushing against Christianity,” and what I relived was pain, conflict and wounding. As a child some of my earliest memories are of adults arguing about religious beliefs. The conflicts tore my family apart. As I grew up I was to realize that it was the religion itself, the dogma, the patriarchy, and intolerance that I could no longer accept. I questioned, I doubted, I pushed! -- I finally left my religion. It was frightening and lonely in the dark place of not knowing. My experience of Christianity left me lifeless, soulless, wrecked.

Through this dark time something deep inside me was stirring, my dreams were always there leading me to a new realization. I was to find new life connecting with my inner voice. In the depths of my soul I felt at home in the divine mystery of all life. I realized right and wrong were irrelevant. What was important was feeling connected and at one with all living things. -- Mystery, beingness, connectedness are feminine qualities. I was discovering for the first time the divine feminine, the inner god, and there I felt a deep healing.

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