The President's been kidnapped. So Calvin Coolidge, long-retired president, steps in to run the country. I go visit him. Hearing him answer phone calls (including a threat from the kidnappers) I have to conclude he's not just taciturn and stubborn and conservative but either a fool or crooked or crazy. Gross errors, non sequiturs, nonsense answers.

Or... is it deliberate? Is Silent Cal possibly trying to ensure that the real President STAYS kidnapped, so Cal can stay president?

He's searching his own office now, for the hidden President, with his Presidential Detector. It shows Proximity of Presidentiality, but not, unfortunately, direction. I sit in a bean bag chair and watch. He comes up and says "the President could be under your ass. Heeeeeere, President!"

In a bean bag chair? How hard is he trying?

Some of his friends come in--Republican fat cats from before the Crash and Depression, when anything went--and they sure did.

All the old zillionaires take off their clothes and weave ferns in their hair, and then take a bath together. With their rubber ducks. They start singing the Rubber Ducky Song from "Sesame Street":

Rubber ducky, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise,
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you...

NOTES IN THE MORNING

Is this only a cold hard look at Ronald Reagan, our wonderful new president? Or is Coolidge also my OWN ego, my own inner ruler, playing stupid and ignoring problems so he can stay in power?

These immortal lyrics are probably copyrighted by Sesame Street or PBS or the ghost of Jim Henson. Dreamed without permission. So sue me. Maybe I'll stop dreaming. Anything's possible.

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