TRUMP ON THE RUN
Dreamed 1990/3/8 by Chris Wayan
I'm a Federal agent hunting Donald Trump and his latest beautiful trophy wife. They're on the run. I think they've gone to ground in Appalachia, right in the heart of "Dukes of Hazzard" country.
So I whip up some local cops and bloodhounds, get a volunteer posse of unemployed hillbillies with shotguns, and go in after him.
Car-chase on the Interstate! I have to leap from my car to the back of Trump's. The posse, trailing, shoots at us, endangering me. Damn! But you have to expect it with amateurs. From a distance, I suppose it's even funny. After all, I got myself into this! The pursuit of wealth... what else can you expect?
He throws me off with a fishtail swerve, and makes it into town ahead of us. He abandons his wife in the car and runs into a storefront, up a flight of stairs. We follow, guns drawn, and burst into a crowded restaurant. There's no back way out, and we arrest him. Sweet.
So we confiscate Trump's assets at last, and start to go through them. As we suspected, most of them aren't cash, but life-energy! The Declaration says "the pursuit of happiness" not "wealth," and the smartest rich guys know it's true. They know what to steal.
Metric tons of stolen, hoarded happiness.
I'm glad. The chase was worth it. I was pursuing the right thing.
NOTES NEXT MORNING
Hey, I'm for it. Class justice! (Though I'm from California, so I think we should go after Charles Hurwitz first, before he clearcuts the whole state)
So who is this rich life-energy miser really? Oh, me of course. I've been hoarding energy. I'm pretty much well now, but I was chronically ill for many years, so I learned never to take risks, lest it cause a relapse.
Never risk a leap in pursuit of happiness.
And now the happiness tax is due.
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