BLESS MY PHOBIA
Dreamed 1992/8/15 by Chris Wayan
I dreamed Marin was Eden. Well, I know they think so now, but this time around, it really was. God was trying again. And I was Eve's guardian angel, assigned to keep her from falling. This time.
She was supposed to marry Mr. Right, but there was a problem. Eve had fallen already. Eve had fallen in love. Eve had fallen in love with a talking tiger.
I couldn't just bless them and let Adam go--God was counting on me. But whenever I tried to scold Eve, and forbid her bestiality, I was stopped cold by an overwhelming fear... of falling off the Golden Gate Bridge!
And I wasn't even ON it!
A senseless fear? Well, it worked. Phobia saved me. Phobia's MY guardian angel. Phobia crippled me and shut me up, so Eve could marry who she loved--her golden talking cat.
Since then, I've been noticing... my "irrational" fears often come at curiously rational times--when I need an emergency brake! The subject of the phobia seems arbitrary (and I suspect that's often true for others too--maybe for you). What matters is:
What does your phobia stop you from doing? Because maybe you need stopping. My Adam agenda was well-meaning, and backed by God himself. But Eve's perverse, insane desire had an ally stronger than God. Love.
So. While you're fighting your fears with Prozac or positive thinking or brute-force discipline... why not pause for a breath? Ask yourself if your phobia might secretly be shielding some mad, impossible heart's desire. If maybe you, too, should... bless your phobia.
A NOTE ON THE PICTURE
It's a silk banner, 48" x 20". I sketched white lines on it with a small bottle of wax resist, let it dry out, then dampened the silk and painted dye on it. The dye spread like watercolor, but stopped at lines. Wonderful stuff, silk. Soft as dreams.
And as strong.
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