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Dreamed 1983/8/5 by Wayan
The sky's gray. I'm wading around my backyard garden. It's flooded thigh-deep. The richest flowerbeds are all drowned, just leaf-tips above water.
My mom is here, inspecting a droopy fuchsia bush. "It's dying" she says. "Infested with parasitic bugs. You didn't care properly for your fuchsia."
I say "That's not true. Those bugs are all over, a major invasion. Don't you read the papers?" She's silent. "And they're curable. Just takes a spray of light mineral oil. I don't have that, but I can put cooking oil in a squirt gun."
My mom says "That's hopeless!" Keeps discouraging me even as I fill the gun. I ask her permission (why? Just so it's on the record?), she says "No!"... and I spray anyway.
As I defy my mom and spray my fuchsia, I hear a "POP" behind me, near as loud as a gunshot. Worries me. Turn to find...
...my mom is gone. She could have been shot and fallen in the flood, or dived under, but I check the snags I can see... nope. She doesn't come up either. I don't want to drag the river, not if there's a chance that WAS gunfire. Uneasy, I slip into a thicket of droopy fuchsias around back cabin. Feel safer hidden...
NOTES IN THE MORNING
And how many more of our nightmare figures are just hollow bags of... hot air?
- "Fucks ya": sex. My mom's parents favored her brother & ignored her. So now she disses all men--including me. Discourages me from dating. "You're trouble..." Just by BEING male.
- My "future"! When I protect my future against parasitic pests, my mom pops like a soap bubble. Because she IS a pest. Draining my initiative.
- POP: in the dream I'm blind to my own success! I mistook her bursting for gunfire--for a threat. When my worst inner critic just... burst!
LISTS AND LINKS:
natural disasters -
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healing from abuse -
My mom, Marcy -
dream moms in general - art done that day:
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