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Things Wash Off
Dreamed 2009/4/22 by Wayan
Our Hollywood film is near the end:
on a sweet wild meadow-verge
in a redwood hot tub, our lovers swim.
He's white, she's brown--till they step in.
She turns shy, looks down. Her skin
streaks with runnels of paler tan. The dye
washes off! And it's no practical joke. They
have loved for years, but her hue
never ran; and she's had a bath or two!
And yet her shame suggests she knew
at least hints--has she seen it streak?
But why's she cringe so? Does he dislike
white girls so much? Or will he think
she lied, kept secrets? No: he turns her face
to him, to say "I love you, not your race..."
And then he sees her beard and craggy brow.
Man-face. Mid-pledge, he falters, halts.
She moans and climbs unsteady from the vat
of Hollywood happy ends, both breast-
and beard-burdened. Dons her folded dress
mutely to go. For their love has dyed.
What I want to know is, who applied
that history, gender and careful tone
she mistook so long as herself, her own?
- Wilderness hot tub: the dream plays on an old memory: Thirty Days. I hiked into Ventana Wilderness with Beryl, a friend who wanted to be more. 13 miles off the road, a hotspring. She swam all over me. We started making love in the water, but it felt wrong, like nothing. Like a fire alarm just went off in my soul. I got out of her and the spring, and found my pack was gone--food, sleeping bag, dream-journal, boots. 13 bloody barefoot miles later, I learned from a ranger that a madman had been robbing hikers for months. In the hotspring, did I sense Beryl & I were wrong, or the robbery? I still don't know.
- "Had a bath or two": unconscious quote from Artistic Licentiousness, a comic by Roberta Gregory (best known for Bitchy Bitch). In A.L., a lesbian separatist nearly barfs on hearing her new girlfriend once fucked a guy. Girl's response: "I've had a BATH or two since then!" Ha.
- Washing, dye, shame: just read Patricia Briggs' Iron Kissed. Mercy is raped. Fought hard, but was overpowered. Washes and washes, can't feel clean. Feels a persistent shame. Part of the reason: Mercy's not human; she's a were-coyote. Oh, she passes, and has werewolf friends who sympathize... but she's not wolf or human. For her, the worst trauma was being trapped. She's a coyote--freedom is life.
- Man's face: in therapy today I talked about Emily dumping me. Em felt I glossed over and didn't see or respect her masculine side. I never saw her as male, still don't--just centered, strong. But she does--explicitly. The dream warns it's true--I can't live with butch. And so I lost all. The friendship too. Like the bearded woman, Em gave up and walked away.
- This is Dreamverse #49, part of the Dreamverse Project. Next in the series: A Beagle, Three Wolves, and a Setter
LISTS AND LINKS:
movie dreams -
swimming & bathing -
hot & cold -
I'm just not myself today! -
hermaphrodism & intersexuality -
butch & femme -
gender in general - dreams of
Beryl - dreams of (and by)
Emily - a 2nd dream of truth-shattered love:
Shapeshifter Fever - more hot-tub dreams:
The Brundibar Sea,
The Pegasi Tub &
dream poems -
Dreamverse project - next Dreamverse:
A Beagle, Three Wolves, and a Setter
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