1: PREGNANT WITH TEARS

A Chinese girl with a pudgy sad face is talking on the phone. She does phone sex for a living, but... with her other hand, she's massaging her crotch--I think. She's hunched forward so I can't see her cunt directly, but I THINK she's really masturbating, not just acting.

Her stomach bulges out strangely. I pat the bulge, feel it. She lets me, absent-mindedly, while she goes on talking to her customer and rubbing and rocking. Her belly's all spongy, not firm like pregnancy or bouncy like fat. Something else is swelling it. "Tears" pops into my mind.

Even as she does her job, and comes herself, squeezing her eyes shut and squeaking like a cat... she's pregnant with tears.

2: MODESTY HOLDS YOU BACK IN THE SWIM

But phone sex is just her day job. Nights, she's an actress with a specialty niche: swimming commercials. Right now she's working on an ad whose director isn't quite clear on how it should go. They try this, they try that. Practice in the pool. The actresses mostly patronize the one boy in the cast, a street kid "with only," the girls say, "20 minutes of education." Only one girl doesn't mock him: the teary girl, who's in a stupid swimsuit with a normal bottom but an ugly lace smock on top. It was supposed to be "modest", and maybe it is on dry land, but the froofy lacy stuff floats up like seaweed, half-baring her breasts and hiding her face! Plus, when she swims, the drag holds her back. Several others have similar draggy designs. Did the director pick these, or is this just a bad swimsuit season?

3: STICKY HAIR SAVIOR

About the director. She's quite young--an heiress in a big rich family who was supposed to get her share recently, when she came of age--but her family's stalling. She wants to use the money for this campaign to sell a new product she invented: shampoo made with certain mineral salts. Assaying the mineral content of various seawaters is essential, and she has people with water testers out right now. They've been delayed, though. They keep saying "Another day or two. What's the big hurry?"

"Well, my campaign to save the world from sticky hair will be delayed!"

What a contradiction she is! Pure LA rich blonde... yet idealistic. But such a silly idealism! Yet not stupid--her upbringing was just so sheltered. Or maybe I'm ignorant and the Sticky Hair Plague endangers us all. I admit, her hair's gorgeous and mine's an old birdnest.

I hope she gets her fair share of the inheritance. Even if she wants to blow it on her ditzy crusade, isn't that her right?

But I think she's being cheated. I was tinkering with electrical equipment in the house, and found an elaborate pipe hookup--apparently there'll be a toilet here when they finish, though the plumbers aren't here for me to ask. The pipes look funny though. Look closer. The label says SALT ASSAYER! These testers hid her equipment and didn't sample the waters! I can't imagine why... unless her family bribed them to stall her. It's not right. Stupid campaign or not, I plan to warn her.

4: MARRY FOR MONEY

Now... I'm her. Singleminded. They still won't give me my fair share--dispute my birth date and competency and anything else they can invent. But according to the family trust, if I'm married, the day of my inheritance is much earlier, long past. They can't delay any longer, if I have a husband. So I decide to get married--for money.

One of my film crew will do. He agrees. Why not? He knows me pretty well, we get along, I'm going to be rich, and I'm cute. And I have great hair. What more is there?

I didn't mean that. I'm not forgetting love. But I won't let them steal my inheritance! My heritage, really.

A small civil ceremony. We stand in my parents' bedroom and go through with this marriage for money. I feel ashamed. But I'm determined to get what is mine--no matter what the cost.

After the ceremony, my family's lawyers hand me my first payment. I'm suspicious, and won't take a check. They seem to have anticipated this. They return with the $300 in cash.

And I leave, neither proud or ashamed, just wary, expecting them to refuse to send the next payment, probably.

Only when I wake do I realize my family cheated me again.

I assumed it was just because I'd been so poor that I'd never seen a such a high-denomination bill before.

A $300 bill.

NOTES ON WAKING

• The Chinese girl is me of course. I'll tell sex dreams on the Net, but in real life I still tend to please others, not myself. Swollen with old tears, not pregnant with new life.
• Swimming = social life, especially dating.
• Awkward, "modest" suit = shyness. Not only slows you down, but it reveals what you want to hide and draws attention, making you look stupid.
• Hair campaign = my feminist mom taught me not to care about my own looks, or to judge women by their looks, till beauty was as guilty for me as sex or wealth. I still skimp on all three. Cheated of my natural inheritance!
• Must be married to get my inheritance: If I'm not loved, I'm not a real adult. No matter who, no matter how lousy my lover is... just be in a couple--as proof of maturity! (What a great ad--"Adulthood: leave home without it!")
• Sampling the waters = uncommitted dating or relationships, NOT firmly committing to the first lover who doesn't hit me or psychologically abuse me like my ex-lover Kay.
• Disguise the water sampler as toilet = I think sampling the sexual waters is shitty/selfish! Toying with others' affections. Also... the dream warns I can't sense who likes me, because my sensors are placed where they only pick up MY OWN SHIT! Uh-oh.
• $300 bill = 1: a really big lie. American currency has never included a $300 bill, but there is a saying: "As phony as a $3 bill." This is a hundred times as fake! They really did cheat me again. 2: A month ago, I made $300 on my first art show. The dream may be warning this is a fluke, that art's a bad way to become independent of my family. Or it could be warning of something more ominous: that my family trained me to fail--never to make money. An inheritance... with a minus sign!

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