Autism and Asperger Syndrome
I'm grateful I was spared the severer consequences of clinical autism. Still... I was a child prodigy who others perceived as deeply strange; am a math savant; can't recognize human faces (I know my friends and relatives only by their voices, gestures and moods); read and understand animal emotions better than human ones; get easily overwhelmed by loud or flickering colors or sounds; can't stop rocking and fidgeting to save my life; feel best alone, and find crawling in cracks or hiding up on rocks very comforting, and often flinch when hugged, and feel as uneasy meeting people's eyes as a wolf would... and just generally have difficulty acting like a human being.
And if this list sounds familiar, maybe you or someone you know is subclinically autistic too.
YEARS LATER: having gone through the DSM-IV criteria, I can now say cheerfully that I'm not "subclinically" autistic except in the sense I rarely saw doctors so I never got diagnosed. But by IV's criteria I'm way over the threshhold, clinically autistic, a pretty severe Aspie--I just use brains to avoid lots of stuff toxic to me. DSM-V chucked out the threshhold anyway...
RELATED TOPICS: Autism Booklist (still embryonic--help expand!) - links page for support groups and sites - see also child prodigies and geniuses - living with ESP - animal people - disabilities and deformities - outcasts and pariahs - orphans, runaways, and throwaway kids - loners - See also the full INDEX OF SUBJECTS.
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|ABREAST OF THE COMPETITION: by Wayan; dreamed 2013/10/9, a dream on appeasing others
A tall busty girl's younger, part-unicorn friend starts developing breasts at last. She makes
boob jokes, mocking her own body to reassure her herdmate she's no competition...
|ADORABLE CYBORGS: by Wayan; dreamed 2016/10/5, a dream-poem on inner teamwork
A child dreamer and two different kinds of cyborg must cooperate
to free the hostages imprisoned under San Francisco Bay...
|ALAN'S OFFICE: by Wayan, 1992/4/28; , a dream advising a different therapist
I had a chronic illness doctors said was psychosomatic. So I called Alan, a therapist...
I dream I'm in his office. It's a nook in a basement. No windows, no door, no privacy.
I was so desperate I went to him for six months, while he ignored everything I said...
|ALTHEA'S MONEY DREAMS: by Althea; 1999/1/22, financial dreams provoked by... financial dreams?
After reading a booklet of dreams about money by Wayan, Althea has four such dreams of her own
challenging family ideas of class, gender, inheritance... and then practical investment advice!...
|THE BARRINGTON BUNNY: by Wayan; 1988/8/30, a world-saving alien-abduction dream
Alien robots kidnap me... and make me the mascot for a college football team.
But my Channel Changer slowly infuses us all with nerdy trust...
|BASTARD UNICORN: by Wayan; 2012/6/28, a dream about ambition
Since I'm half-unicorn, my ambition drives me to share power and help the whole
herd--that's how unicorns rise. But among human politicians...
|BIKE OVER THE BELL CURVE: by Wayan; 2018/9/25; a surreal advisory dream
I'm biking in a construction zone behind a car with a rounded top like a VW Beetle
but with a flared skirt like a bell. It stops. I brake but go right up that fringe over the roof...
|BIRD-SENSE: by Wayan; 2013/7/20; Shakespeare improv provokes a dream of having seven senses
I dream I have sixth and seventh senses--and wake to realize I do! Just denied them, explained them away...
CAUTION: SHAKESPEAREAN HEFT
|THE BUTTON IN LOVE: by Wayan, 2009/10/20, two surreal dreamlets on romantic cluelessness
A glowing sentient autistic button falls in love with a small boy; then I try
to make two friends change orientation and fall in love by singing 'Molly Malone'...
CAUTION: JUST... WRONG
|CIDER AND WINE: by Wayan; 1974/10/24, surreal undream Aspie reporting
Our writing class meets in this Victorian home. I turn off my filters and describe what I really see around me...
|DEVANGELS: by Wayan, 2017/4/27, a numinous but ambivalent dream
After a hard day in the recording studio, I dream of powerful yet obedient devil-angels;
quiet for now, but I fear they'll decide shamans like me are abominations...
CAUTION: ANGELS? GOLEMS? DEVILS?
|DISTRACTUS: by Wayan, 2004/5/5, a comic sexy diagnostic dream... that baffled me.
Sex in a meadow? A protest march distracts us. But a friend warns me of a disease, Coitus Distractus...
CAUTION: (DISTRACTED) SEX
|DO YOU LOVE ME, JOHN?: by Wayan; 1991/7/6, a dream on the courage of the shy.
I dream of a future where blondes are a too-cute endangered species. How can they survive? Like this...
|EEL GIRLS: by Wayan; 1993/9/14, a tearjerker nightmare.
I learn to fly, but keep it quiet. Yet aliens still find out, and tell me a truth I didn't want to know...
|EFFORT VERSUS APTITUDE: by Wayan, 2017/8/23, a dream about... oh, read the title.
I urge a cafe to host a talented Tarot reader with an amazing aura, but the owner says
"Anyone can be psychic with practice." Oh? Can practice make you Einstein, too?
|THE ENTWINED CHILD AND MADAM PURR-SAY: by PurplePurplePurple; 2013/7/5, twin poem-dreams
I dream my autistic son, miraculously high-functioning, recites a math-poem to a crowd...
Then I become cartoon cat Madam Purr-Say and chant my own defiant poem at the dream gods...
CAUTION: FIRST POEM AUTISTIC, SECOND PISSY
|THE ERTHEDNI: by Wayan, 1977/1/8, three transformation dreams, the last with advice
1: I'm starving in a lush valley; a cult claims all the food, the water, even the air.
2: I'm drowning in a cage but find a corner with water I can breathe--just barely.
3: I'm a merman with a wise friend who hints I need to leave those who starve & drown me...
CAUTION: DOMESTIC BATTERING (OFFSTAGE)
|FALL OF A PRINCE: by Wayan; 2006/11/17, a dream on the morality of predicting.
A time-traveling historianís caught in a moral dilemma: warn an ancient prince he died of a fall in her history books? What do you owe history?
|FEATHERWOLF: by Wayan; 2018/9/20, a joyful gender/species-bent flying dreamlet.
A shapeshifting girl lets me try her spell--I become a
wolf-raven-parrot-human blend. Weird, but I love flying...
|FIBONACCI: by Wayan; 2011/4/18, a dream-poem with answers
My friends are all computer programs. But then, so am I. But it's not so bad, because...
|FLY AWAY HOME: by Wayan; 1996/12/26, a dream of flight and kindness.
I'm an alien castaway, hiding my wings. But Earth feels like home now! If I could fly here, would I stay?
|FOAM, FURS, DREAMS: by Wayan; 2012-16, a blog + 170 pics; 43 dreams lead me to sew furry dream sculptures.
Dreams urge me to build furry dream creatures with joints, muscles & bones, then to heal myself by mating with them...
CAUTION: FETISHISM, FURRY NUDITY & SEX
|FORESEE ELECTION, BUT BLIND TO SEX: by Wayan; 2012/10/23, a predictive dream only half heeded
On hearing the election results, a girl at Esalen Hot Springs joyfully dances naked
around me. I heed the dream's prediction about the election, but not about...
|A GREAT NIGHTMARE, or, The Autistic Dream Lecturer: by Wayan; 1997/1/2, a diagnostic nightmare.
I dream I'm addressing a dream convention, but I'm autistic! I MUST act bizarre, just to function...
|HELP, NOT CURE: by Wayan; 1996/12/26, a dream on autism.
Gay angels try to help an autistic woman. Change her past? Only if they pass the Ass-Backward Guardians!
|INCREMENTAL HEAVENS: by Wayan; 2016/9/5, a reincarnation-frustration dream, baffling then. Not now.
I keep getting reincarnated in dull heavens where all is blocked by know-nothings. After the 2016 election...
|JADE'S EXPERIMENT, or, CLEVER HANS: by Wayan; 1981/4/29, a dream on the costs of unusual senses
I volunteer for a friend's psych test, for her thesis. But my sixth sense skews her data! Does it skew real life too?
|LET'S IMPOSE: by Wayan; 1992. Nondream digital painting.
Engineers! How they do love to impose clean lines on our messy world...
|THE MAN WHO MISTOOK...: by Wayan; 1995/9/19, an insane dream.
I'm just an ordinary guy, who beats his son so he'll grow faster, and sees tits on drinking fountains...
|A NEVADAN ASS: by Wayan, 2007/5/17, a dream-poem on sabotage in art AND love
DREAM: on a Nevada ranch, I'm a were-horse into mares--when I'm human. And when I'm a stallion?
Why, cowgirls! Always date the wrong species--just to be sure of rejection.
NEXT DAY: I let a class of commercial artists critique my dream-comix. Just to be sure of rejection...
CAUTION: FURRYPHILIA, SELF-SABOTAGE
|ONE-PERCENTERS: by Wayan; 2014/5/2, a dream on how egalitarianism can drive the gifted crazy
A sociologist exposes the smugness of Britain's 1%, but the writer's denial of any innate differences
can be just as pernicious as elitism...
CAUTION: EGALITARIANISM ON TRIAL
|OTTER NERD FROM TITAN: by Wayan; 2012/4/15 & sequel-dream (2013/2/9), a dream-poem on social skills
A suspicious exobiologist warns me that otter from Titan may not be the amiable, nerdy celebrity it seems. But...
|PETER PAN SYNDROME: by Wayan; 1995/1/10, a dream on those books...
I meet Peter Pan grown up: a stark, fey prince in exile. Why do only I see him, and the Lost Children? Oh.
|THE POWER OF NON-VISUALIZATION: by Wayan; 2018/4/29, a mystical dream whose teaching worked
I'm listening to a film-talk on Non-Visualization. "Don't wish--don't will--don't visualize.
Just face what you really want, and then don't push..."
|PRODIGIES' ODDITIES: by Wayan; 1994/2/2, a confession.
I suspect we child prodigies and geniuses are as unlike the gifted as normal people. So here's a checklist...
CAUTION: BRAIN REQUIRED
|THE PRODIGY-ALLERGY LINK: by Wayan; 1994/7/21, a clipping and reactions
Child prodigies may develop allergies due to immunosystem damage from too much testosterone in utero...
|PRODIGY SUPPORT: by Wayan; 1994/7/21, a clipping and reactions
News of a child prodigy who was given the support I wasn't, triggers a flood of envy and bitterness...
|PUPPY: by Naoki Higashida; March or April 2015, a role-reversal dream
I walk home with a puppy to meet my mum, who addresses the dog by my name
and invites him in, while I head for my doghouse in the garden...
|REVERSE MY ARMOR: by Wayan; dreamed 2008/4/14, a dream with bizarre advice I took.
All I usually hide, I strip bare, & vice versa. Like that Playboy cartoon with the stockings & gloves--the Femlin!
Behaviorally, too, I reverse all my habits and judgments. Perverse, self-destructive! But my life still works...
CAUTION: CARTOON NUDITY. ALSO, A LOSER SUCCEEDS.
|SADDLED WITH AUTISM: by Wayan; 1999/10/1, a dreamtale.
I'm autistic; a TV host encourages me and another autistic kid to have sex on the air...
CAUTION: UNDERAGE SEX ON NATIONAL TV; SERIOUS FINGER-POINTING
|SAFETY GETS ME HOT: by Wayan; 1997/3/27, a dream on sensitivity.
I'm trapped in a post-apocalypse pulp story! Fun for my readers, but not for me! How to escape?
|THE SATURATION DIAL: by Wayan; 2015/11/7, a surreal lucid dream with a control knob!
Night. Two moons. I go lucid! Find a knob adjusting the dream's color saturation.
Dial it up--and find I'm not alone! Ghosts of pure color...
|SHOVED OFF A CLIFF: by Wayan; 2017/9/7, a nightmare-warning (I'd asked what to do next).
Atop a sea-cliff, I meet a young couple in love. One look at me and they
push me off! When I see I can't save myself, I try to take them with me...
CAUTION: NIGHTMARE BARING UGLY TRUTHS
|SHY NO MORE: by Wayan; 2008/8/13. A dream poem, Dreamverse #3
I play the lovers in a teen romance: shy abused boy, insecure girl. But I get tired of the script, and...
|SKUNKERPILLAR: by Wayan; 2018/4/7, an advisory dreamlet about metamorphosis
After I (sort of) foil some elf-burglars, a friendly elfwoman shows me
a black caterpillar, then the rare white-striped skunkerpillar...
|STOP OBAMA'S ASSASSINATION: by Wayan; 2012/2/10. A dream about politics? Or health?
Two child prodigies fail to stop the killers stalking President Obama, but a geek with a homemade laser...
|TELEKINETIC KIDS: by Wayan; 2017/9/8, a warning and exploratory dream
A black separatist commune hides two little girls who are psychokinetic.
They fear I'll expose them. But I've spent my whole life passing too...
CAUTION: PARAPSYCHOLOGY, RACIAL SEPARATISTS
|TELEPATHY VERSUS AUTISM: by Wayan; 1997/4/19, an utterly dreamlike but waking vignette
A weird identity-confusion at a dance hints I'm simultaneously psychic, autistic, and... stupid.
|THE THREATENERS: by Wayan; 1997/4/23, a small psychic dream.
Two gunmen break in, call me by a strange name, and demand I repay a loan I never borrowed...
|THROUGH THE WIRES: by Wayan; 2007/9/16, two surreal contrasting dreams
I meet some alien wolves, and see the social scene as they do--pack, status issues. But then...
I cross a pasture & slip thru a barbwire fence, as I explain cows, wires & organic life to an energy-being...
|UNGIRDLE THE TREE: by Wayan; dreamed 2018/10/6, a shamanic warning dream
I'm a girl living alone in a forest. I go patrolling after a storm and find a red cable
strangling a tree. Though scared, I climb up and tear it off. But there are more...
CAUTION: POLITICAL INTERPRETATION
|UNICORN MENTALITY: by Wayan; dreamed 2008/7/16, a dream of unicorn art spilling over into reality
Dreamworkers gawk at sexy unicorn drawings all over my bed. One friend's part unicorn. The other? I wonder...
Ten years later, having learned I have a rare mutation making me not too human, the dream feels half-predictive...
|A VALLEY NEAR HOPE: by Wayan; 1984/10/17-19, an epic dream.
I wander a valley where unicorns love cyborgs but fear giant ants, who love unicorns but
fear cyborgs, who love ants but fear unicorns! And while the Three Tribes squabble, cave-monsters
sculpt them all. I set up peace talks between these four aspects of my tetrahedral soul...
CAUTION: SWEARING, DRUNK LIONS, CYBORG SURGERY, AND GOGGLE-BARFING
|VERITY, TOO?: by Wayan; 2000/11/5, a comic nightmare with good advice--if I avoid Freud!
My painting mentors turn on me! My mom accuses me of hereditary inferiority,
and then my art teacher Verity sits on my head and intones...
|WERECAT SYNDROME: by Wayan, 2017/4/23, dream advice on Asperger's. Or masculinity?
Werecat Syndrome runs in my family. Academics assume I'm a savage predator.
Why? All I want to do is rub up against girls and find one who purrs back...
|WHITE AND MALE ARE SLURS: by Wayan, 2017/3/8, a dream venting political grievance
Activists rant to a crowd "White males should shut up so we all can speak!" All?
To them, MY issues don't exist--autism, prodigism, second sight... shamanism.
CAUTION: REAL DREAM, BUT RANTISH--SORRY!
|WHY I LIE: by Wayan, 2016/10/7, a dream on privacy-guilt
In a class, asked to share a bit about myself, I lie. Why? Not only are people like me
illegal, my particular story would be seen as impossible...
|WILD MAGIC: by Wayan, 2018/1/8, a dream on finding a place
A teacher drafts me into her magic class to shake up her sheltered wizard-wannabes.
My magic's wild, ignoring spells and rules. I don't think I realized how wild...
|WINGLESS: by Wayan; 1992/2/21; a dream-poem on flight versus guilt
Wingless, I try hard to fly, arm-flapping wild. And I rise! Flight's in the mind. But I'm leaving my friend behind! Guilt ties me down--till I see...
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