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Dreamed 1979/10/12 by Chris Wayan

My mom takes my sister Miriel downstairs, through a door I've never noticed. I wait a while, then follow. At the bottom, in a round crypt, find Miriel stripped to bra and panties, manacled to the bench in a Jacuzzi. In the hot tub her underwear is nearly transparent. I feel an erection starting as I look at my sexy little sister. Look away, embarrassed.

My father comes down the secret stair. He asks "what is this?" I answer sourly "It's the family jail." I'm mad at him for wilful ignorance. I guessed. We all guessed. He's looked the other way... and he does again. Simply ogles his daughter a while, but knows he can't actually fondle her with me watching. So he goes back upstairs, leaving her shackled in the tub.

Miriel says "I feel dirty. They put something in the water, an antibiotic or a disinfectant, but I think it causes cancer. I can feel my skin reacting... My folks don't want me to have sex, so they did this so I'd be disgusting. Everyone else thinks if I took off my dirty underwear I'd be clean and naked and start fresh. But I won't. I'd look nice but I'd be worse off, cuz my skin would still be contaminated with this invisible toxic film and no one would know!"

And leaning on the edge of the tub, I realize: people think I'm dirty and disgusting because I won't change MY underwear. But it's because Mom got me shampoo like this! My skin reacts to the chemicals just like Miriel's. It's so sensitive now, if I change clothes my skin may peel right off! I can't risk it till the inflammation's gone. My folks have managed to poison sex for me too--I carry the toxic film with me. And could poison others!

Lots of insight. Lots of talk talk talk...

But I don't find a way to break her shackles and rinse her off! Or myself.

Insight's fine. But it's action time.


In psychodrama today, my friend Nancy talked about the cancer she's fighting. I have a crush on Nancy. My sister Miriel and I are both much like Nancy: gifted, insecure, and fundamentally femme, too femme for our own good. For our own health, at least. And the dream makes it clear where that came from...

LISTS AND LINKS: Sex and dating advice in dreams - family values - houses and secret rooms - incest - shame and humiliation - opportunities lost - Miriel dreams - my dad - butch and femme - psychodrama - more hot-tub weirdness: Pegasi Tub & Things Wash Off - heat & cold generally

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